Batman And Friends
by Hector A. Matthews
Summary: Batman realizes he doesnt give a damn.
1. Chapter 1: Enough is Enough!

This is my first writing so it may be very, very, that's right very bad so please just try to laugh at the content.

Why did I write this? Because I was bored.

Why was I bored? Because I had a long drive.

How long was the drive? 7 hours. Which means a lot more of this to come.

Batman And Friends

Part One: Enough Is Enough!

The night was cold and Mary was tired. She had just gotten off her late shift and was walking down the dark alley to her house when the one and only Riddler jumped out from the dumpster with four of his henchmen.

Riddler - riddle me this bitch. What do you get when you are horny and evil?

Mary - I..I-wait a second aren't your riddles supposed to rhyme?

Riddler - well I…actually….kill her!

Just as the henchmen where about to attack the caped hero they call Batman jumped out from the dark and kicked the first henchman in the chest caving it in killing him instantly, he then spun around and heal kicked the henchman in the jaw killing him instantly as blood spewed from his mouth. As he was turning around something heavy crashed on his back, it was the third henchman with a trash can. The fourth henchman picked Batman up and held him tight as the third henchman began pounding his fists into Batman's stomach. Just then Robin jumped down onto the third henchman's back paralyzing him. Then Robin threw a Bat star at the fourth henchman's head and split it right open, the henchman fell to the ground and his leg began to twitch.

Batman - Good job Robin

Robin - Well I figured your fat ass wouldn't have gotten out of that so I better help

Batman - well if you would have just gotten your little butt down here to help me fight I wouldn't have gotten my ass beat

Robin - the fact is OLD MAN that you cant keep up with the bad guys nowadays and-

Batman - THAT'S IT!! I have been kicking bad guys asses before you were even born. I have had it with your whiny little ass and I've had it with these stupid ass bad guys.

Just then Batman round housed Robin, walked over to him, put his boot on his neck, and then he smashed down killing Robin instantly. After seeing all this the Riddler shit his pants and crouched in a fetal position, Mary runs away. Batman walked over to one of the dead henchmen and grabbed the knife in that was in a holster around his dead waste. He walked over to the Riddler and looked down at the sad sight he grabbed the green man by the collar…

Batman - The day of the Bat shall begin.

With that he plunged the knife into the Riddlers pink belly and dropped his lifeless body to the ground. Batman turned around and looked at the stars…

Batman - Never again will these fools terrorize the streets. For years I've been putting them in jail and they keep breaking out, but now, now they will all die.


	2. Chapter 2: Life in Bane

Part Two: Life In Bane

In the green room there was a light mist as Poison Ivy sprayed her plants. She had grown tired and was getting ready to slip into her flower bed when a black figure had appeared in front of her. She gasped and stepped back, when she looked again she was able to tell who the dark figure was, it was Batman.

Batman - Good evening Ivy

Poison Ivy - Batman! How did you know where to find me?

Batman - I just went to the only green house in Gotham City named Ivy's

Poison Ivy - Oh. Yah I guess that was kind of dumb of me. So, are you going to take me to jail or shall we tango

Batman - I have a better idea, how about I kill you

Poison Ivy - .I see.well its about time you got the guts to kill someone but first I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine. (she calls out) OH BANE, OH BAAANE. Could you come over here for a second.

Out of the darkness appeared a massive figure ten times the size of Batman.

Batman - what have you been feeding that boy.

Poison Ivy - his name is Bane. The poor thing has been used as a guinea pig in a crazy scientists test and now he is 100 times stronger than you Batman and I control him

Batman - interesting does he do tricks

Bane - RRRROOOAAARRRRR

Batman - oh he speaks

Poison Ivy - that's enough out of you. Kill him Bane

Bane lunges forward to grab Batman by the neck but Batman dodges it just in time. Batman swings his cape over his shoulder to reveal a sawed off double barrel shotgun. He pumps it and fires it at Bane who ducks to the side and takes the shot in the left side of his body. Batman pumps the gun again and gets ready to kill bane but before he can get a shot off bane leaps up and tackles Batman by the stomach. Batman, now winded, is picked up by bane who doesn't seem to notice or feel the hole in his left side and tossed into the wall. Batman hit's the wall hard and hit's the floor harder, just as he pulls out his bat star a long, huge, green vine grabs his arm and wraps itself around it as another green vine does the same to his other arm and feet. These vines begin to pull Batman with great strength but not quite enough to pull him apart. Bane walks over to the tied up Batman looks him up and down then begins to drive his fists into Batman's ribs, breaking two of them. As Bane reached back to pound another of Batman's ribs in he suddenly got very weak and couldn't make the punch.

Poison Ivy - oh crap! 

Batman - maybe you should have put a full tank of gas in him before you took a test drive

Batman now has enough time to pull a small knife out of his wrist brace and cuts the vines away. Batman now weak from the punches gasps for air as he limps over to his shotgun. Before Poison ivy can get Bane another fix Batman blows his brains across the floor, he then shakily points the gun at Poison Ivy and pulls the trigger but nothing happens, he out of ammo. Before Batman can say anything Poison Ivy darts out of the room. There is a time and place for everything, now wasn't the time for Batman to chase after her he had to get his ribs fixed. 

Batman - you'll get yours Ivy, one way or another.


	3. Chapter 3: Out with the old

Part Three: Out With The Old.

The Bat-car parked in the underground Bat-cave as Batman steps out and limps up to the mansion. Alfred greets him and notices the broken ribs. He rushes to help him.

Alfred - Sir what happen to you? Are you alright?

Batman - Does it look like I'm alright Alfred? Get me some bandages!

Alfred - Uh.yes sir, right away.

As Alfred leaves Bat girl enters the room.

Batgirl - Bruce are you hurt?

Batman - (whispers) Dumb bitch. (regular) No I'm fine, just getting old.

Batgirl - Who did this?

Batman - It was Poison Ivy I waited for her at her green house after I got word from the commissioner that she broke out of jail, I was going to attack but she had a little surprise for me.

Batgirl - Did you put her away?

Batman - no she escaped that's where you come in I need you to go find her.

Batgirl - Right, I'll get right on it. Are you sure your okay?

Batman - Feeling better already.

Batgirl exits and Alfred re-enters with some bandages.

Alfred - Here you go sir, will you be needing a new suit this one seems to be a bit torn?

Batman - well I suppose I'll be needing a new suit.

Alfred - yes sir, actually sir there isn't one ready your extra suit is being washed at the moment.

Batman - Your washing the Bat-suit?

Alfred - Yes sir.

Batman - Well then I guess I'll just wear the one I have on I have to leave right away anyways.

Alfred - Are you sure you can work in your condition?

Batman - I have worked in worse conditions.

Batman gets up and walks out of the room collects some weapons and goes down to the Bat-cave. Batman gets into his Bat-mobile and as he drives off he says.

Batman - time to erase my tracks and get rid of old baggage.

Batman then pushes a button on a tiny remote and in the background as he drives off his entire mansion explodes along with everything he owns except of course a few items he happen to take with him before he left.


End file.
